WHO CARES: What it’s like moving house with autistic person

They say that moving house is one of the most stressful things that you can do in life.

Try doing it with an autistic person as part of your household.

There is so much more on offer in Inverness that it makes sense to us to take the leap of faith and move into the city. The hope is that once the opportunities to be more independent are within one bus ride instead of two, or even within walking distance so Mum’s taxi can go onto reduced hours, the world might just open up a wee bit to him.

Now I’m not completely selfless in this. Virtually all of my important people are in Inverness, and an art evening class, visits to Eden Court, and socialising with my friends in the city every weekend listening to live music - one of my very favourite ways to spend an evening.

So, the goal is clear and enticing. But the process… There have been a few jobs to do on the house before it goes on the market, accomplished with a very handy great friend who runs on good food and praise, both of which have been readily supplied and justified.

The results have been astonishing as the bits of the house that you know are wonky but live with when you can’t be bothered sorting them are dealt with and the place is lifted as a result.

However, the boy is struggling a bit and I feel guilty about that. I can foresee the benefits once we get to Inverness, but for him, the uncertainty is very difficult. This means I’m juggling with a bowling ball of his anxiety which is large and heavy and I can’t let him down by dropping it. My job is to keep his stress to a minimum so the estate agent and any prospective buyers are just going to have to accept that minimalism doesn’t exist in a house with an autistic person who has a number of unusual collections and half a Lego shop that can’t be hidden or got rid of without sending him over the edge.

When I look at a house, I look at the space and what needs doing, not the stuff that the current residents have as I would expect them to take it with them when they go. Although I did buy a house once which had a car overgrown by weeds in the garden, but it was a Simca and therefore I did not rejoice at the find. I can only hope that the hordes of viewers demanding to buy the place will be similarly pragmatic about the incredibly important items that they may see as clutter in certain areas of the house.

For me, the importance of the boy’s peace of mind outweighs any disadvantages that having loads of unusual stuff around may cause. Frankly, if prospective buyers can’t make allowance for that sort of thing, I don’t know how they will cope with moving themselves.

Anyway, it’s all change at chez nous and we’ll be live on HSPC by mid-May I expect. I’ll keep you posted on what happens next. I find it exciting, but the boy finds it terrifying, and between us I bet we will just about cope and will flourish in our new environment with all the opportunities for both of us it will bring.

Karen is Mum to an autistic son in his twenties and campaigns for the rights of unpaid carers to be supported in their caring role and involved in the decisions that affect their lives and the lives of the people they care for. You can find her on X and Instagram @Karen4Carers.

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