Royal fever? More like a minor outbreak of flu
Would-be MSPs have nailed their colours to the mast. But would there be a market for election memorabilia?
CAN the forthcoming royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton become any more boring than it already is? April 29 must now be etched on our collective consciousness as there is so much discussion about it in the media: the weather forecast, the honeymoon, the dress, etc. There is no escape as even a trip to Lidl’s supermarket reveals a stock of cups and glasses created to mark the royal pairing.
In Caithness, we can see the benefit of the Castle of Mey and Prince Charles visiting every so often but why on earth would anyone be interested in Prince William marrying Kate Middleton? It may well be an excuse to have a day off work but as one person said to me recently, why should I be forced to have a holiday for the royal wedding when I can’t even get holidays that suit my family?
A recent survey by CitySocialising found that "only" 38 per cent of respondents planned to watch the royal wedding. This is a much higher figure than I expected, and it seems that "royal fever", as it has been dubbed, is more akin to a minor outbreak of the flu than an epidemic.
The royal family may well be trying to bear in mind that many people are poor when they plan their weddings, but the pomp and ceremony just looks tasteless and inappropriate to me. But then maybe I should get into the spirit of things and buy some commemorative china in the hope that someone is foolish enough to want it in 100 years.
I could buy a Princess Catherine doll for £36.95 (www.theukgiftcompany.co.uk) but the doll looks horribly thin and I fear this is not the kind of thing my daughter should think is normal. I really recommend looking at this doll on the internet because its limbs look so scrawny that if it were a real woman she would be seriously ill.
This tat saturates the market but today’s tat could be tomorrow’s investment I suppose. A plate may cost £15 now… but think – it could be worth £3.99 plus £2.99 postage on eBay in years to come. This kind of investment is surely no worse than the interest rates offered by high street banks.
No fewer than two of my friends are getting married this year, one for the first time and another for the second (a proclaimed pessimist who is clearly an optimist). I would far rather see these friends commemorated in china than the royal pair.
Perhaps the china manufacturers should get in on the political hype and produce some partisan memorabilia for the forthcoming Scottish election on May 5. Since a lot of the political promises are the same it could be quite cheap to produce a "get more bobbies on the beat" coffee mug for several parties or indeed, a coffee mug saying "keep police forces separate".
Even better, we could have a paperweight of the Dounreay dome being crushed and the caption "vote for the whatever party – we promise that your lives won’t be crushed after Dounreay closes". There is no shortage of those keen to promise that our economy, cushioned by 60 years of taxpayers’ nuclear money, will be fine. After all, a change is as good as a holiday.
What could be more satisfying than popping out an ice cube that bears a party logo and the words "council tax freeze"?
Perhaps a colour-changing lava lamp is in order for those candidates that switch party or those "magic" gloves that fit any hand.
We could also have the ubiquitous clockwork chattering false teeth made for the candidates not willing to blackmail more dentists into coming to Caithness and working for the NHS. These could double up as a winter fuel allowance gimmick.
Only those with a crystal ball can predict the result of the election but I can exclusively reveal to you here and now that the result of the Scottish Parliament election will have far more impact on your life than the marriage of William and Kate.
ND from the body politic to body image. A new survey has found that 30 per cent of women would trade at least one year of their life to achieve their ideal body weight and shape.
This scary statistic came from research conducted at British universities for new eating disorder charity The Succeed Foundation, in partnership with the University of the West of England.
The alarming study also found that in order to achieve their ideal body weight and shape, 16 per cent of women would trade one year of their life, 10 per cent would trade two to five years of their life, two per cent would trade six to 10 years of their life, and one per cent would trade 21 years or more.
The survey found that in order to achieve their ideal body weight and shape, 26 per cent were willing to sacrifice at least one of the following: £5000 from their annual salary, a promotion at work, achieving a first-class honours degree, spending time with their partner, spending time with their family, spending time with their friends, and their health.
A whopping 79 per cent of the women surveyed reported that they would like to lose weight, despite the fact that the majority of the women sampled (78.37 per cent) were actually within the underweight or "normal" weight ranges. Only three per cent said that they would like to gain weight.
When you consider that men also have body image problems, the survey presents a very gloomy picture of what people actually think about themselves – and think about.
Imagine if the time spent worrying about body image was spent on something constructive instead of superficial rubbish peddled by the cosmetic and diet industries.
I don’t think there can be anyone left in the country that is not either affected by body image issues directly or knows someone who is.
It’s something to think about when confronted by the china ashtray depicting the skinny Kate Middleton. Bring back real role models, like Emmeline Pankhurst!
